Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
