1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
