She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
