ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
