Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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