I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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