yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
