im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
