I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
