There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
