Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
