So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
