I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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