Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
should my penis look like a turkey
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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