This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
