she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
