i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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