it was like his penis was on wheels.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
