Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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