Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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