God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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