So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
