omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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