Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
