Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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