how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
