when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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