I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
