She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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