Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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