only if we run a train.
done.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
