The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
