Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
