I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
