he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
