Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
