You can't special order awesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
