are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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