im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
