just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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