two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
