I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
