Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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