I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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