think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
