Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
