we made out on top of his cat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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