Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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