but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
