2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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