She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
