BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
