I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
