I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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