I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
