dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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