i think my tv is drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
