His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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