Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
