I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
