she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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